Thoughts from a New Dad
by daxmii
Summary: That Spider-kid is going to give Tony gray hair. Infinity War spoilers in Chapter 2! Rated T for swearing
1. Civil War

drabbles are my specialty and so is not writing more than one fic for the same fandom, apparently

this is based off of that scene in civil war (might be a little not compliant or ooc or something cause i only just recently got into the avengers, so bear with me)

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 _How old_ is _this kid?_

A lot of thoughts raced through Tony Stark's head in those few moments — though they'd seemed like hours at the time.

Tony had been desperate; he needed an extra soldier. Though, what made him choose a 15-year-old kid from Queens was beyond him. So he made him a suit, went over some brief ground rules, and called it a day. And he'd curse himself for not being thorough enough several times within the next couple months — one notable time being during the kid's first battle.

A feeling of triumph filled his heart when he saw that the colossal Ant-Man had been taken down. This civil war may finally be coming to a close, he remembered thinking to himself. However, the feeling was quickly washed away and replaced with panic as his eyes followed a tiny, blue and red, body-shaped speck fly through the air. Every thought going through his head in that moment had been the equivalent to "Oh, fuck."

They quickly became scrambled as he flew his suit in the direction of the flying body.

 _Oh, shit. He's dead. Ant-Man just killed a 15-year-old._ I _just killed a 15-year-old. Oh,_ shit. _I was responsible for this kid and I just got him killed. Why did I recruit a kid?!_

His heart pounded and his mind raced at 1,000mph as he approached the limp body of Spider-Man. He crouched down beside him, reaching to try and shake him awake.

 _He isn't moving. He's dead. He's dead. How am I going to explain this to his aunt? How am I going to explain this to the press? This is all on me. Why did I recruit a kid? Dumbass!_

"Kid, you alright?"

 _Oh, thank God._

To his complete and utter relief, as Tony shook the young boy's shoulder, he let out a gasp and started to fight against him.

"Whoa! Same side. Guess who. Hi. It's me."

 _If I give this kid PTSD, I'll never forgive myself._

Peter relaxes, resting his head on the ground with a tired smile. Tony tenses, furrowing his brow. He tries not to think of the time he nearly killed a person in his sleep.

"Oh, hey, man."

"Yeah."

 _This kid's going to kill me. Why did I recruit a fucking kid? I'm so dumb._

"That was scary."

"Yeah. You're done, alright?"

"What? I'm good, I'm fine!"

The kid reacts how Tony expects him to react, so he keeps a grip on his arm.

"You did a good job. Stay down."

"No, it's good! I gotta get him back!"

 _He's such a good kid. He has so much to learn._

"You're going home, or I'll call Aunt May!"

And he flies off, already thinking of everything he can do to babyproof Spider-Man.


	2. Infinity War

HUGE SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR IN THIS CHAPTER. DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED

but anyway i put this chapter on ao3 and totally forgot to put it on here too so uh here u go

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 _We lost._

 _The world is over._

 _The_ universe _is over._

 _We're going to die._

 _We are dying._

 _Earth._

 _Pepper._

 _The Avengers._

 _Steve._

 _Banner._

 _Pe-_

Footsteps.

Tony spun around. He'd almost forgotten that the kid was there, which he knew sounded horrible, but... he had just watched a man disintegrate. Thoughts flew through his mind faster than he could process them.

"Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good."

 _Me too, kid._

His eyes scanned the boy to check him for injuries and/or the source of his "not feeling good."

 _Oh. Oh, no. Not you, too._

The first thing he noticed-which, generally, would be hard to notice-was the boy's feet beginning to turn to ash. He felt his heart drop into his stomach. Peter looked terrified.

 _No, no, no, no._

 _He's only sixteen._

 _He doesn't deserve this._

"You're alright," Tony lied.

"I-I don't know what's happening. I don't—"

Tony held out his arms, and Peter collapsed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around him, maybe hoping he'd hold him together that way. _Maybe_ he wouldn't disappear if he held him tight enough. He didn't know what he thought. All he knew is that Peter wouldn't be able to stand for very long on disintegrating feet.

 _He's supposed to be on a field trip._

 _He's so, so... too young._

 _What about his aunt?_

 _What am I supposed to tell her?_

"Mr. Stark, please..."

 _Oh, please don't cry._

 _I've never been good at this._

 _This is my fault._

 _If I'd made sure he was home..._

"I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go. Please-!"

Peter wept. Tony felt his heart break in two. By then his legs had disappeared, and the two of them collapsed. Tony wasn't sure that his knees would have supported him much longer anyway.

 _No, no, no,_ please _no._

 _Too young._

 _Anyone but him._

 _Fuck you, Thanos._

 _Fuck._

"I'm sorry, Tony."

Hearing Peter say "Tony" instead of "Mr. Stark" sent a jab through his heart. Like a knife. And then twisting it three times. And then again for good measure.

He couldn't make his mouth form any words. There were so many things he wanted to say.

 _Don't be sorry._

 _You did so good._

 _This is my fault._

 _You'll be okay._

 _It'll all be okay._

 _We're gonna win._

But he couldn't.

"I'm sorry."

 _No. No. No! No! NO! NO!_

The rest of Peter disappeared, leaving Tony on his hands and knees, totally alone. He felt like he was going to vomit. The kid was gone. The _kid_.

 _You killed a kid._

 _I killed a_ kid.

 _I killed my kid._

 _Fuck you, Thanos._

 _Fuck. You._


End file.
